More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
