OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
