omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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