I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
