Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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