I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
