someone threw a dead crab at me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize