hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
