I wannas sexs uuuuu
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I lost the right to judge tonight
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
