I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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