Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
