Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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