I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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