i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
