I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize