Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
