My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
