I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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