I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
