i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
