Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
