I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
