Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
