honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The best revenge is premature balding
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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