I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
