I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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