I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
