I have demons in me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
