I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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