I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
