the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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