man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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