so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
