thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
