No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
