I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
