The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize