The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
