If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
