put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
