she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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