Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
