is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
