If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
