i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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