well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
