He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
