btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
