worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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