Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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