so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
