Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
