my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
