you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
