and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
