I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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