We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
