if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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