I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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