need another drink. this is the easiest way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
