Non-Jews are for practice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
