I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
