my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
