im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
