I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
