come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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