Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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