come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize