he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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