i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
