i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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