On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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