I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize