I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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