dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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