Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
