genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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