So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
