remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
