he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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