Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
