My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
