took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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