Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
