the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the liver wants what the liver wants
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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