I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize