I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
