Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
