Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize