Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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