oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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