I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
