I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
