shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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