you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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