My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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