so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize