if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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