Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
