i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
