D3 body, D1 cock
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
