please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
