This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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