She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
