She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
