You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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